Tonight's Sleepover

Astro came to spend the night tonight. His first night back since we gave him to Eli for his birthday. John called me out to the living room like there was some kind ov emergency



This is the first time Blue has ever let Astro on the couch. I think he missed his brother.

Fucking HMO Son's of Bitches

My favorite line from "As Good As It Gets". So anyway, I call my HMO provider "Kaiser" to make an appointment for female plumbing problems. They send to to a guy, whom I've never met and who after asking numerous questions, tells me I have a dysfunction uterus! Well, this is not going to look good on my yearly review as a Quality Control Manager, but it does explain my children.

Apparently this guy is good because he actually gave me a diagnosis without even "assessing the situation." He didn't venture to look "downtown" and he didn't even peak at my "package". And ladies you know what I'm talking about. I don't like putting my feet in stirrups unless there is a horse involved, but come on. Not a blood test, not a urine test. Zip! Wait, he did say I looked tired and wanted to know if I was getting enough sleep.

So, I called Planned Parenthood and spoke with the nice folks and found at that you can't be diagnosed with a "dysfunctional Uterus" without having tests performed and they told me what to say so I called back and got an appointment for next week with another doctor or Planned Parenthood will do it for $100. So, I just wanted to put that information out there in case any of you have Kaiser, because the female "annual" checkups are know every three years. I really suck at math.

So, my boss gets back today and what do I do? Sleep in. He must think I do this all the time. So I stop to get coffee, well, what's five more minutes when you're an hour late? Right? Wrong! I park at the tile shop because the parking lot is full at the coffee shop and when I came out a damn dump truck had me blocked.

When I got to work I had realized I had locked the front door thereby locking out the cleaning lady. Now I have to CLEAN HOUSE this weekend.

Thank G-d it Thursday.

Sturgeon Moon

Tonights the full moon and I don't know if any of you got the chance, but this morning at 2 AM my husband woke me up to see the lunar eclipse and it was awesome.

Only a lunatic gets up at the crack of dawn to see a lunar eclipse. So, naturally there we were with our pack of dogs (who were quite disgruntled when they discovered there was no food involved and they went back to bed mumbling something about opposable thumbs being overrated and a bipedal walker Texas Ranger) and then the shadow fell across the moon and the sky lit up like the Mother Night.

Okay so I leave you with Mani, God of the Moon, and tomorrow Moe and Jack.

Seems Like Forever

Since I posted last. Work has been busy, two audits in two weeks and we passed both with flying colors. Eli started kindergarten. He sure looks cute in his uniform.

I am making Jacob a Cavendish for either his birthday which is in September or I will give it to him for Christmas. I hope the colors are "manly" enough for him and if not fuck him.

I also started the Lizard Ridge blanket and I really like the color, but my G-d are my hands killing me. I am definitely putting this on hold for awhile until I figure out how to knit backwards.

And last but not least Eli gets to spend every Monday night now with grandma and grandpa while his mom attends college. So we had family supper and Grandpa made meatloaf and potatoes and look at the damage that boys does to an ear of corn

The scab on his elbows was his first boo boo at Kindergarten and he already got a note from the teacher because he brought a toy to class in his pocket.

The cracker don't fall far from the box.

My Little Working Man

I just couldn't resit taking this picture this morning as Jacob made his lunch for work. John gave him an old lunch box and he bought him Gatorade and Root Beer and cooked him dinner last night. Fried potatoes with fried eggs and fried sausage smothered in cheese and John's homemade salsa. Manly food.

As you can see in the background I have a pile of dishes and another load was already in the dishwasher. The boy eats like a freaking hoover.

Randon Rantings

So, it is now day 3,496 that I have been held captive by my Central Park Hoodie. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but it sure seems like it. Not only did I screw up on the cables on the front panels the first time, but the second round I neglected to change my needle from a 6 to 8 after I ripped it out again. So, I have now ripped it out for a third time and we will just see what blond moment I have next. I'm not even going to jinx it by showing a progress pictures.

But I will share the lovely yarn that arrived today. It is called Sea Silk and it is just beautiful and they sent the nicest card along with it. I bought it online at Knit-Purl I have no idea what I will knit yet, most likely a shawl, but it is so soft.

I was pleasantly surprised to have Jacob "fruit of my looms" stay the night and his pets sure were ever so glad to see him again. Both pets use to sleep with him when he lived at home. So, to get you up to speed, he's no longer working in the meat department in the Valley. He is now an apprentice in the Carpenter's Union and he's working at the Oaks. So it's closer from here than the valley to drive. And I happen to have stuff to make sandwiches in my refrigerator. (See this is why every time they move out I fill a room with yarn)

This kid changes jobs like I buy yarn. I can't keep up with him anymore. Oh to be young and adventurous again. Wait! I was adventurous last Friday when Sandy, Sophia and I and went to Adventures for Kids and we each got a copy of the new Harry Potter book.

It sure was great to be in an independent book store again.

Okay, Miss Sophia, I updated my blog. Tag, you're it!

What a Weekend!

I can remember putting my boys into the back seat and driving and them falling asleep like it was just yesterday. Oh, wait it was yesterday! John, Sean and I drove to Canoga Park to pick up Jacob's uncle and then on to Woodland Hills to watch Jacob graduate. I had to miss knit night! And being the Fruit of my Looms that he is Jacob was the ABSOLUTE LAST graduate to walk across the stage.


I know, I should be proud and bragging, but it was hot and they handed out these plasting hands for clapping and there were kids behind me and I was about to ready to go ape shit.

So, we went to dinner with his uncle and buzzin cousins Krissy and Ikaika

Then today I dive to my local coffee shop and they are having a dad gum street fair and the streets were blocked and parking was jacked up so needless to say I was quite cranky by the time I got my morning cup of coffee. And Arson was there with his bible study group, saw I was cranky and gave me a rose. And then he told the group I was his adopted mom. Is that not the sweetest thing?

Came home in a good mood and and was going to do housework and I always start with the bed and since Louis refused to move I went on strike.

Did I Mention I Was Born With My Foot In My Mouth?

I was hanging out at my local coffee shop today knitting where I meet the nicest people. Okay, he wasn't there today, but I did buy him someting for his nose.

So, I'm knitting and as always, knitting is an ice breaker and people come up, ask questions, yadda yadda yadda. So today this lovely couple were in town from Thousand Oaks. Big drive. She was admiring my Central Park Hoodie and we talked about yarn stores. She'd never heard of AFY so I gave her directions. A really nice lady. They're getting ready to go to Florida. She knit a sweater for her granddaughter and her grandson wants a vest.

So, then her husband and I start to talk and they had gone to see the Tennessee Three last night in the park. We have free concerts in Constitution Park during the summer months and John and I had gone with Sandy and Marty and we had a great time, but we never heard the end of where Sandy and I had strategically situated the chairs. You see, when we placed the chairs on the grass they were in the shade. When we went back to watch the concert the sun HAD MOVED! True story, I wouldn't shit you.

Okay, so back to the coffee shop. So this man and I were talking about the concert and how they should do someting about the kids running around and then he says something silly about women and knitting. And my standard line with all men is "Did you bring your whittling?" And I'll be go to hell if that man didn't show me a scar about three inches long on his left hand (palm area) that he got from WHITTLING! "True story", his wife said.

Who the fuck still whittles?

Hi, My Name Is Eli

And it's been eight minutes since I had my last hit of catnp.

I walked in the door and sprawled all over the floor was Eli and a bag of catnip accidently left where he had access.



How long he was rolling around in the catnip I have no idea, but he was toasted when I got home. At one point he bumped the door and thought it was attacking him.



Louis tried to cut in on the action and then a fight broke out and I had to send him outside.

I'm thinking an intervention is in order.

If You're Not Outraged You're Not Paying Attention

I am not a viewer of the O'Reilly Cluster Fuck, but I caught a glimpse of it last night at JJ's and the bastard was talking smack about Will Ferrells' the Landlord. How the fuck is that news? It's comedy much like the mayor's extramarital affair. What a joke.


Al Gore's son caught with drugs WHILE DRIVING A PRIUS is not news. But the fact they go 100mph is.


The fact that a lake disappeared in two months due to global warming is news.

And today of all days, this is news

and this is news.

To all the men and women who serve their country, I thank you for your service.

Conversations with Mother

Mother told me a story she made up about me and my pets today.

Louis to Eli: Have you notice how clean the place is these days?

Eli to Louis: Yes, and have you noticed our owner has started to grow claws?

Louis to ELi: Yes I did. You don't think she'll start using the litter box do you?

Hank to the cats: Hell no her butt's too big.

Is it any wonder I turned out like I did?

Vacation Day Who Knows

I'm really starting to enjoy this. Today I slept in until EIGHT THIRTY! Which is quite late for me. I'm having a great time, in spite of assholes like I ran into yesterday.

I was in line at Rite Aid getting John's prescription and the man at the head of the line was causing a raucous and belittling the young man working and this horrid woman kept laughing. Finally the young man had had enough and he told the man if he disrespected him one more time he wouldn't wait on him and he was very polite while doing this. And then went on to remind that man that as an ADULT he should know better. Well the man turned around with a smirk and I recognized him as the guy in charge of sending kids on missionary services, or whatever you call them, at a local church in town. He hangs out at Palermos's. I had just spoke with him Tuesday, for crying out loud, because we were talking about how I read children's' books every summer. He complained to the manager wanting the young man fired! This is an adult in charge of youths?

Okay, so then the horrid lady gets her turn and all the while she kept laughing while the young man was trying to be professional with the irate Jesus Freak, saying out loud that if she were on welfare or an illegal alien she would be treated better. She gets rung up and then she yells that she's not going to pay for a prescription twice. He explains that her doctor prescribed 15 pills (half a day) and then he called in another fifteen. Which is a new prescription. She says she's suppose to take one pill a day now, demands to talk to the pharmacist and then wants the pharmacist to call her doctor RIGHT NOW. I walked up beside her and said perhaps she should call her doctor as that's how the civilized world works. The computer doesn't know the doctor increased her dosage and these people are just trying to do their jobs and yelling at them isn't helping and perhaps she should get some fake documents and say she's from Canada. She pretended I wasn't there or was rendered speechless. In any event, she finally shut the fuck up! Which was all I wanted and I'm sure the 18 people waiting in line as well.

I finally got my turn and picked up John's pill, left, called back, talked with the pharmacist and told him he deserves hazardous pay. Something diabolical need to be done to those people who are so rude to people who are just trying to do their jobs. I mean, do they really believe that they fuck with them on purpose so they can stand there and get yelled at and not yell back?

Update

Eli came to spend the night and Grandpa showed Eli a lovely trick that involves pulling ones finger. Eli fled the room, came back and told Grandpa, "don't do that! That was disgusting." You go Eli, I've been telling him that for years. Eli told us all about his fishing trip. He is such a man now. Fish stories already?

Eli modeled my new Cavendish while standing next to Jacob's cat Eli who has taken over the yarn room. They are both such hams. My son Sean is finally going to be home for at least three years so the move into their new house today and Eli gets a dog from the pound. He's so excited and he wants one like Hank.

And Bob's your Uncle.

Vacation Day Two

Has taught me that you know you are technologically challenged when homeless people offer you tips on electronics. My friend Arson, (and yes, I will talk to anybody if they are interesting) taught me that I can lock my iPod and do a whole bunch of other shit. Then he commandered some guys laptop and we looked at websites. Gross stuff, something my boys would do to try and shock me. It is just amazing what people will let you get away with if you have tattoos on your face. I need one for work, most definitely, but more like a decal. John can barely handle that I talk to homeless people let alone get a tattoo. What a fuddy duddy. I never get to do anything.

I sat and knitted at the local coffee shop while Arson played guitar, recited (more like shouted) the words to Big Rock Candy Mountain with a PUNK twist and then he joined me for lunch and we chatted about religion and politics until Sandy arrived and then they talked about deviated septums, tribal tattoo's, etc., and I didn't know what the hell was going on. First, a homeless guy upstages me with technology (he has a myspace account, for crying out loud) and then, Sandy blows me away with her major street props. I don't know exactly what that means, but I sure like saying it. So while they were chatting it up, I talked some businessmen into turning off a generator that was city property that was making an ungodly noise running lights in broad daylight. Well, it was making an annoying noise that was giving Sandy a headache. And we can't have that. Arson would have done it if I asked, but he has enough fines as it is for "camping illegally" in Camarillo. I mean, where do they expect homeless people to sleep? Arson bought us dessert which was a brownie with a hot cinnamon roll on top all smothered in whip cream. He calls it the monster.

We saw a baby, I shit you not, named Rebecca, aged six months and she likes DR PEPPER!!! Is that not cool, or what?

Then Sandy and I joined the knitster sisters for dinner at JJ's and John joined us. Sandy thought she really liked Sophia's new purse until Sandy realized it was a menu and John tried real hard not to crack up and probably has a new opinion of my homeless friend.

I hope everyone enjoyed dinner as it was a real treat for Sandy and me to stay close to home for a change. Not that Ventura is THAT far away, but it is nice to just hop in ones car and be home once in awhile. I could and should have walked to the coffee shop, but that's not going to happen.

I went in to work today Day Three to do some invoicing and got into a fight with the Controller WHILE WEARING A GHANDI SHIRT! Okay this is how it went. One of the guys that works for me, well, his wife was pregnant and she lost the baby. Very sad. So, he stayed home with her this week in lieu of working AS HE SHOULD HAVE. We get bereievement pay and I put in a request that he get paid and the controller tells me IT DIDN'T FALL UNDER THE GUIDELINES BECAUSE NO DEATH WAS INVOLVED. Now remember, I'm wearing my Ghandi shirt that says "Peace Hero" plus I just knew he was going to pull some shit like that so I didn't argue and told him to do and walked away. He then wrote me a memo and placed it under my door which I had previously slammed and then stomped my foot. I might have even said fiddle dee dee, I'm not real clear on that, but what an ASSHOLE. He was quoting IRS jargon, blah blah blah. He was then TOLD to do it by a man who outranks me and everybody else in the plant so now he's going to do it.

See, this is where a tattoo on my face would come in handy.

Vacation Day One

So, I had my first half day off for vacation today and so far the highlight of the day was my new temporary crown on tooth number 19 and the field mouse in my house

Went into work for a couple of hours, came home and decided to knit and watch television. Rosie isn't going to replace Bob Barker on the Price is Right. Paris Hilton's trash is for sale on ebay and there is a media frenzy expected when she gets liberated tomorrow or is she out as I write this? And didn't we already liberate Paris once before from that pesky Hitler? I just hope this doesn't put a damper on dinner at JJ's and knit night at Palermo's tomorrow. I had enough of the paparazzi at the Summer Solstice party. Oh and some lawyer thinks his pants are worth 54 million.

I was completely engrossed (apparently being on vacation lowers your IQ) and the phone rang and I was late for my dental appointment. Yippeeee

Came home and there was a mouse in the house. He scampered under the dishwasher and later tonight he was cornered by one Jack Russell and two cats and that little mouse stood his ground. I tried to get John to watch, I mean it was like National Fucking Geographic right in our living room, but he can't handle violence and was relieved to know that the mouse made it safely under the couch. The pets soon tired and either I'll find it dead in my bed tomorrow ala Revenge of the Godfathers Pets or he makes it out the doggie door.

Egad I have two more weeks of this. I think I'll give alcoholism a try. Did you know that housework makes a martini fun? No, that's not right.

A Concert with Jacob

The Kelly Richy Band concert was cancelled at the Ventura Theatre, but not to worry because Jacob, fruit of my looms, came to my rescue and serenaded me on his acoustic bass which he lovingly refers to as "his baby".

We had Lemon Drop Martinis together which was a first. He had one and we'll just say I had more than one.

I spruced up the yarn room and started to place my new yarn snugly in its' new home.

I went and bought an antique Chinese Knitting basket and then I received a phone call from a woman and she is coming next week to CLEAN MY HOUSE. John, love of my life and sneaky devil to boot, has been working on his nephew's patio cover and got the number of their maid.

I feel absolutely decadent, but I better start cleaning house.

My Loot

 

So the day starts out with work as usual. Mom calls and she doesn't need to go to the doctor after all. (she hurt her back a week ago vacuuming) So since the shop is shut down I asked to leave early and met up with Sandy and Sophia for an adventure in shopping. I explained to my boss that it was a knitting emergency and surprisingly he understood and let me go. He's so cool.

We made it to BB's unscathed and believe me there were some crazy drivers out today (NOT COUNTING SANDY. I'm kidding! I will travel anywhere with her) we shopped until we dropped. I convinced Sandy to park at the Coffee Bean and then we Jay walked to BB's! We were breaking the law people. I am such a bad influence. We ate somewhere in Summerland that Sophia suggested and I had a delicious burger and onion rings.

Then we went on to Ventura to knit at AFY. We took a detour and showed Sandy some of the finer camp sites in Ventura and then we ended up at Palermo's. I can't even begin to explain how hilarious trying to find a parking spot was or why. Perhpas I was giddy from all the shopping. We came across a store that sales nothing but stuff form Ireland. I bought John a beautiful cabled sweater to surprise him with before I told him how much I spent at BB's. I'm kidding. I snuck the yarn in while he was in the shower and have insulated my yarn room with it. We made it to AFI and were so excited to be there that we almost left the car running and walked away. I got the cutest little purse and MORE YARN!

The conversation at AFY was quite racy this week. We discussed irons, steamers, vacuums, (Dyson versus Windtunnel) Christa's trip to Germany and the hightlight was Laura called and filled us in on her andventures at school. It was all quite heady stuff. I was so mentally exhasted I had to pass on Mimi's and go home. Plus, Jacob wanted me to e-mail him his resume from a disc. I took Jacob to Palermo's and we sang along with System of a Down on my new stereo.

"Dreaming of screaming
someone kick me out of my mind
I hate these thoughts I can deny"

And then Jacob took a picture of me with my loot and he told me he thinks I am DE AGING! Is that not the sweetest thing you ever heard? Maybe he's planning on blackmailing me with it at a later date.

Father's Day 2007

 

John and his kids (Jackie and Little John) get entertained by a magician while we wait to eat. Then we went bowling!

Classmates dot com

I received an e-mail from an old schoolmate. We've kept in touch via classmates which is a way cool venue for keeping in touch with old friends.

James and I had this class called "outdoor education" together with Coach Tacket (aka Ticky Tackett) where the class met in the football field and tied knots and maybe they taught us how to put up tents. I don't recall all of the details because it was the '70's. Need I say more? I think we walked to the beach for our final exam and had a bbq. Anyway I know we had food because James brought pancit which I had never had before and James claims I called it something expletive. Me? Why,I would never do such a thing. Anyway, I love the stuff.

So, anywho James is going to be playing at the Majestic Ventura Theater this weekend (June 22nd) with the Kelly Richie Band

I think it 's time for the knitster sisters to have a non-knit night.
So check out the link I've attached and if you like what you hear come join John and me and maybe you ladies can get him drunk and talk him into remodeling your kitchens.

28 Hours Without Caffeine

Or How I spent My Morning with the Cardiologist

So I go to the doctors get weighed in, ( which is traumatic, to say the least) get injected with some nuclear medicine (which is how I suspect they dispose of nuclear waste) and am told to sit in a waiting room for the dye to kick in. There is an 81 year old man already there. I know he's 81 because he tells me right off the bat and then he wants to know if I am going to molest him. I say no. He wants to know why not. I threaten to poke him with my knitting needle. He wants to know if I will knit him a hat to keep the hair out of his eye. (He has no hair). I have three more hours of this. Oy vey!

I show his daughter how how to pick up a dropped a stitch with a crochet hook. She is utterly amazed and now I feel like fucking Hoodini!

I go and have pictures of my heart in a stationary position and fall asleep.

Go back and the old dude wants to know if I brought beer! I’m telling you I have some kind of radar for the eccentric. He goes on to tell me he hasn’t had a drink or a smoke in over 35 years. I, on the other hand, am now considering taking it up. At least that way, if the doctor find something wrong I have something other than knitting, sex or food to give up. Wow! I just realized on my priority list knitting came first. No pun intended.

The doctor arrives and I am forced to walk on the treadmill. I have never walked that far on my horse let alone on foot. Two minutes into the test the doctor looks at the sheet that the computer is spitting out and he says OH MY GOD! I stopped walking and damn near fell over as the treadmill was still going and said what? He says to me, “we still have 45 minutes to go on this test.” “That is so not cool,” I said. "You don't look at a patients report and say OH MY GOD!" He then grabs the monitor and very loudly yells, “OH MY GOD! DIAL 9-1-1”. About 10 seconds later a nurse was at the door and we would have been struck dead if looks could kill.

I am now walking as if I were in hot pursuit of a yarn sale and the doctor says “Does your chest hurt?” I reply “No, but my fucking legs are killing me.” He looks at his young assistant, who has been taking notes as the doctor calls them out and says, “put on her report HER FUCKING LEGS ARE KILLING HER! Okay read that back to me” I though the kid was going to die. I’m cracking up on the treadmill, which I don’t recommend by the way, because I know I cuss a lot, but I hadn’t realized I had cussed until the doctor repeated what I said. The doctor then sees my knitting and asks if I want the knitting simulator. Great, my cardiologist the comedian. Maybe he's a long lost nephew of Groucho.

I finish up and go rest and then get more picture taken of my heart and apparently I fell asleep because I woke myself up snoring.

I just hope that was the only noise coming from my body.

Central Park Hoodie

As you can see, I have finished the back of my hoodie and am now working on the front left. After several attempts it was pointed out to me by Sophia that the pattern (ribbing section) was incorrect. I thought I was loosing my mind. I'm just glad it didn't happen while doing the back or I'm sure I would have given up.

So anywaze, have had a great weekend thus far. Had great food at Cheryl's. Her burgers were wonderful and Terry's salad was delicious. Sophia brought some bread that her mother made that was delicious and John made salsa.

Here's one more shot of the hoodies taken by Lisa.