Wednesday, March 04, 2015

I'm So Mad I Could Blog

Well, see what  you've done?  I'm so pissed off I'm blogging again.

What in the hell is wrong with people these days.  Everyone is talking (judgmentally) about sex.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm not shy when it comes to expressing myself orally.  I'm not one to brag, but Plies can explain the rest.

But seriously, there are people who want people killed for their sexual orientation.  This asshat is trying to introduce a law to execute homosexuals.  He's a fucking lawyer!  How do you get to be a fucking lawyer in this country and not understand that the constitution is the document we turn to when making laws not Leviticus! 

Then Ben Carson, a retired neurosurgeon (who might run for president) comes along and says being gay is a choice.  His logic?  Prison!  If the same sex is your only fucking option (I do love a good pun) you might partake.  You might get raped. You might want to establish yourself as head badass and be the rapist.  Or you might do it for old fashioned reasons like you want something in return. 

Prison doesn't make you CHOOSE to be gay.

What is this obsession with other peoples sexual habits or orientation and why are ya'll acting like a bunch of Russian communists?

Friday, December 21, 2007

For My Children

The Mother Night

This is the night of the Winter Solstice, the night of Yule, "the Wheel."
For thousands of years, the celebrations of this season have been those of gateways, the magic of passages--journeys of the folk from one year to the next, journeys of the spirit from one world to the next, the magic of birth and death and of rebirth. And because life deserves more than mere survival and continuance, the magic of this season has always been that of peace and plenty as well.

In the North, the months we know as December and January have long been called Freyja's Nights of Darkness. The year's longest night is the Mother Night, and in darkness the Lady labors to bring the Light to birth once more. The Young Sun is born at the Winter Solstice--Freyr the Lord, the Lady's consort, who controls the work of sun and rain and brings fruitfulness to the fields. Freyja the Lady is reborn of herself at Yule. Her blessing was invoked on all birthing women. A white candle that last burned on Mother Night is a charm for safe childbirth.

In the North Yule logs were burned because they were believed to “magically” make the sun burn brighter and Minstrel poets would sings about ancient legends.

“Listen my children come gather ye round
For I have a fine story to tell
One of Vikings and Lords and mystical fjords
And woman (how appropriate), named Hel

Of the Yggdrasil tree ever pure ever green
With leaves that never wither or die
Look closely tonight, in that darkest of nights
Can you see the Norns weaver your fate in the Sky?

In honor of Freyja put a Yule log on the fire
For fallen Berserkers let them hear your proud screams
And the Bilfrost Bridge just over the ridge
Will lead you to the land of you dreams

Keep holy always the Mother night
Winter Solstice, the Return of the Sun
Why even the Christians who stole our traditions
Partake in this glorious fun.” ---Love Mom

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

What A Freakin' Day

My day started out as complete madness at work because we are preparing to shut down for two weeks. My boss can't access the Internet from home, so he's instant messaging me wanting me to check my IP address dot com, the IT guy is on the phone, I get hold of the purchasing manager because Verizon has switched us from static to dynamic again on our IP address, I'm trying to balance the backlog, the new guy is having problems preparing a data package, the controller didn't show up AGAIN so I assist the president in obtaining a document for a banker. I have a lady clogging in the office next to me, it rained so hard my window leaked and all my binders of invoices, procedures and MSDS sheets are swollen from rain and I missed the truck and didn't get my freaking Dr. Pepper. I guess, what I'm trying to say is I needed a monkey and a football by noon.

So, I put out the metaphorical fire and managed to get home without killing and some guy even showed up dressed like Santa with an elf in tow and wanted to take a picture with me. WTF? He was from some temp agency and he's drumming up business and he had candy for our controller who didn't show up so I passed out truffles to everyone. Made my day. Quite honestly, I hope Santa shits in his stocking.

And two people brought me Dr. Pepper's because they knew I needed it.

That's why I love this place, madness and all.

Then I come home and sit down and realize I didn't deposit Mom's check at the bank. Mother is a stickler about these things and she wont rest until she knows I haven't lost it. Apparently, she still thinks I keep money in my shoe. So, I decide to deposit the check and go to Smart and Final for some last minute supplies for the Christmas eve party.

You know how those pesky ATM's never have envelopes when you need them? Well, I had put in my ATM card and started my deposit transaction when I realized there were no envelopes. So I go to the next ATM retrieve an envelope and walk back and the ATM that took my card now reads:


I hear the drawers clanking around and I can hear people so I yell through the slot that took my card, "Hey, give me my card back, please." Which alarmed the man two ATM's over. I wait for several minutes and then I go to the bank door and it's locked, yet there are people in there and I wonder if perhaps this is a bad dream. I'm banging on the door and a man comes to the door and TALKS TO ME THROUGH THE CRACK! As if I was a bank robber or something. I explain to him my situation THROUGH SAID CRACK and he looks pissed like I've inconvenienced him.

So, I'm standing there waiting like an idiot trying to make idle conversation with anyone who wandered up because I know I would be nervous at someone just hanging around an ATM and the more I explained my real story the more nervous people became. Then I just acted crazy for shits and giggles, plus it was freaking cold. I told one man I thought Ted Kazinsky was on to something and another that I was at that ATM every night between 6 and 8 performing stand-up comedy.

The cranky man from the bank starts talking to me from the other side of the ATM and it appears to others not in close proximity that I am now having a conversation with an inanimate conversation, arm gestures and all.

My card had somehow managed to fall between the drawer and the slot I placed it in and the cranky man retreived it with a long piece of wire and mass quantities of scotch tape. He was quite pleased with himself and this cheered him up.

So, how was your day?

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Just Another Thursday!

Called Mom today to check in with her as is my usual morning routine. Last week there was a drive-by in her neighborhood and this week she got an obscene phone call. Never a dull moment with this woman.

Who, makes obscene phone calls in this day and age? That is so 80's. But any who, the caller was mumbling and breathing hard and mother asked "Who is this?" "What do you want?" The caller replied with a question, "Do you like dick?"

Mother replied, "You mean, Dick Chaney? Is this some sort of Republican Poll?"

That woman cracks me up and I want to be just like her when I grow up.

And speaking of whack jobs, we had an individual walk into the office this afternoon who was out of his mind on drugs. He had on green cowboy boots and shorts and claimed to be on heroin, cocaine, marijuana and alcohol. He said he fell and hurt himself. I don't know how you could feel anything with that in your system, but then again he looked to be in his twenties and said he was ten. So, I'm thinking mental illness because, really, green boots and shorts! I mean, come on!

The police were called and the individual kept asking the president if he was a police officer. The police arrived and they in turn called the paramedics and the Fire Department. What must the neighbors think? The police officer actually knew him on a first name basis and with all the commotion I tried to see if the paramedics would front me a morphine drip. I'm kidding! No, I'm not! Shut up and finish the story.

Suddenly, every employee in the plant had to come to the front office and were placing wagers on who bit the big one. Big money was on a certain someone who is retiring this month. And every one had to see those green boots!

Man, I love my job.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

The Phone Rings

in my office. I pick it up, "Quality. This is Becky." The voice on the other ends starts off...

"Mom, pause, what's an in-house network?" WTF? Who is this?

Jacob qualifies for health insurance at work now and he's in the Carpenter's Union so who does he call? Me. I should have told him to call his Shop Steward and hung up, but against my better judgment I told him to sign up for the HMO because I figure since HMO's don't give you many options, the phone calls might stop.

But somehow, I doubt it.

Thursday, November 22, 2007


I am thankful for my "motley crew" even when they drink my scotch and then think they are "scotch aficionados".

And I am thankful for the son who drove said scotch aficionado home.

I am thankful that the man I married will hug poor Blue when he is in a triptifan coma to let him know everything is alright.

I am thankful that the cat still finds my cooking appealing.

And after the turkey was cooked and the gravy was poured and the last potato was peeled, and the homemade whipping cream was on the pie, I still kicked their asses at bowling.

I bowled a 258.

Friday, November 16, 2007

What was the greatest thing before TOAST?

We recently purchased a Nintendo Wii and I'm telling you, this is the greatest god damn thing since Tequilla!

Go to your nearest Game Crazy for a free demonstration, I implore you.
Tell 'em Crazy Becky sent you and then go to Carl's Junior and order the Spaghetti Basket.

We have family night dinner almost every Monday, so on Veterans Day we had Mom's enchilada's and dad's beans.

Then, we hooked it up. Note: That's a Croatian and a Serbian working together. It's freaking magical, people. We need to get these to NATO and start distributing them to warring countries. Because, it is quite apparent to me now that Project Panama Red and M & M's didn't pan out. Who knew potheads would fight over the green ones?

And then we bowled

And here's the best part, it's fun for the whole family.

Today I am buying my OWN remote!