For My Children

The Mother Night

This is the night of the Winter Solstice, the night of Yule, "the Wheel."
For thousands of years, the celebrations of this season have been those of gateways, the magic of passages--journeys of the folk from one year to the next, journeys of the spirit from one world to the next, the magic of birth and death and of rebirth. And because life deserves more than mere survival and continuance, the magic of this season has always been that of peace and plenty as well.

In the North, the months we know as December and January have long been called Freyja's Nights of Darkness. The year's longest night is the Mother Night, and in darkness the Lady labors to bring the Light to birth once more. The Young Sun is born at the Winter Solstice--Freyr the Lord, the Lady's consort, who controls the work of sun and rain and brings fruitfulness to the fields. Freyja the Lady is reborn of herself at Yule. Her blessing was invoked on all birthing women. A white candle that last burned on Mother Night is a charm for safe childbirth.


In the North Yule logs were burned because they were believed to “magically” make the sun burn brighter and Minstrel poets would sings about ancient legends.

“Listen my children come gather ye round
For I have a fine story to tell
One of Vikings and Lords and mystical fjords
And woman (how appropriate), named Hel

Of the Yggdrasil tree ever pure ever green
With leaves that never wither or die
Look closely tonight, in that darkest of nights
Can you see the Norns weaver your fate in the Sky?

In honor of Freyja put a Yule log on the fire
For fallen Berserkers let them hear your proud screams
And the Bilfrost Bridge just over the ridge
Will lead you to the land of you dreams

Keep holy always the Mother night
Winter Solstice, the Return of the Sun
Why even the Christians who stole our traditions
Partake in this glorious fun.” ---Love Mom

What A Freakin' Day

My day started out as complete madness at work because we are preparing to shut down for two weeks. My boss can't access the Internet from home, so he's instant messaging me wanting me to check my IP address dot com, the IT guy is on the phone, I get hold of the purchasing manager because Verizon has switched us from static to dynamic again on our IP address, I'm trying to balance the backlog, the new guy is having problems preparing a data package, the controller didn't show up AGAIN so I assist the president in obtaining a document for a banker. I have a lady clogging in the office next to me, it rained so hard my window leaked and all my binders of invoices, procedures and MSDS sheets are swollen from rain and I missed the truck and didn't get my freaking Dr. Pepper. I guess, what I'm trying to say is I needed a monkey and a football by noon.

So, I put out the metaphorical fire and managed to get home without killing and some guy even showed up dressed like Santa with an elf in tow and wanted to take a picture with me. WTF? He was from some temp agency and he's drumming up business and he had candy for our controller who didn't show up so I passed out truffles to everyone. Made my day. Quite honestly, I hope Santa shits in his stocking.

And two people brought me Dr. Pepper's because they knew I needed it.

That's why I love this place, madness and all.

Then I come home and sit down and realize I didn't deposit Mom's check at the bank. Mother is a stickler about these things and she wont rest until she knows I haven't lost it. Apparently, she still thinks I keep money in my shoe. So, I decide to deposit the check and go to Smart and Final for some last minute supplies for the Christmas eve party.

You know how those pesky ATM's never have envelopes when you need them? Well, I had put in my ATM card and started my deposit transaction when I realized there were no envelopes. So I go to the next ATM retrieve an envelope and walk back and the ATM that took my card now reads:

TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE, PLEASE USE ANOTHER BANK OF AMERICA ATM

I hear the drawers clanking around and I can hear people so I yell through the slot that took my card, "Hey, give me my card back, please." Which alarmed the man two ATM's over. I wait for several minutes and then I go to the bank door and it's locked, yet there are people in there and I wonder if perhaps this is a bad dream. I'm banging on the door and a man comes to the door and TALKS TO ME THROUGH THE CRACK! As if I was a bank robber or something. I explain to him my situation THROUGH SAID CRACK and he looks pissed like I've inconvenienced him.


So, I'm standing there waiting like an idiot trying to make idle conversation with anyone who wandered up because I know I would be nervous at someone just hanging around an ATM and the more I explained my real story the more nervous people became. Then I just acted crazy for shits and giggles, plus it was freaking cold. I told one man I thought Ted Kazinsky was on to something and another that I was at that ATM every night between 6 and 8 performing stand-up comedy.

The cranky man from the bank starts talking to me from the other side of the ATM and it appears to others not in close proximity that I am now having a conversation with an inanimate conversation, arm gestures and all.

My card had somehow managed to fall between the drawer and the slot I placed it in and the cranky man retreived it with a long piece of wire and mass quantities of scotch tape. He was quite pleased with himself and this cheered him up.

So, how was your day?

Just Another Thursday!

Called Mom today to check in with her as is my usual morning routine. Last week there was a drive-by in her neighborhood and this week she got an obscene phone call. Never a dull moment with this woman.

Who, makes obscene phone calls in this day and age? That is so 80's. But any who, the caller was mumbling and breathing hard and mother asked "Who is this?" "What do you want?" The caller replied with a question, "Do you like dick?"

Mother replied, "You mean, Dick Chaney? Is this some sort of Republican Poll?"

That woman cracks me up and I want to be just like her when I grow up.

And speaking of whack jobs, we had an individual walk into the office this afternoon who was out of his mind on drugs. He had on green cowboy boots and shorts and claimed to be on heroin, cocaine, marijuana and alcohol. He said he fell and hurt himself. I don't know how you could feel anything with that in your system, but then again he looked to be in his twenties and said he was ten. So, I'm thinking mental illness because, really, green boots and shorts! I mean, come on!

The police were called and the individual kept asking the president if he was a police officer. The police arrived and they in turn called the paramedics and the Fire Department. What must the neighbors think? The police officer actually knew him on a first name basis and with all the commotion I tried to see if the paramedics would front me a morphine drip. I'm kidding! No, I'm not! Shut up and finish the story.

Suddenly, every employee in the plant had to come to the front office and were placing wagers on who bit the big one. Big money was on a certain someone who is retiring this month. And every one had to see those green boots!

Man, I love my job.

The Phone Rings

in my office. I pick it up, "Quality. This is Becky." The voice on the other ends starts off...

"Mom, pause, what's an in-house network?" WTF? Who is this?

Jacob qualifies for health insurance at work now and he's in the Carpenter's Union so who does he call? Me. I should have told him to call his Shop Steward and hung up, but against my better judgment I told him to sign up for the HMO because I figure since HMO's don't give you many options, the phone calls might stop.

But somehow, I doubt it.

Thankfulness

I am thankful for my "motley crew" even when they drink my scotch and then think they are "scotch aficionados".

And I am thankful for the son who drove said scotch aficionado home.





I am thankful that the man I married will hug poor Blue when he is in a triptifan coma to let him know everything is alright.



I am thankful that the cat still finds my cooking appealing.



And after the turkey was cooked and the gravy was poured and the last potato was peeled, and the homemade whipping cream was on the pie, I still kicked their asses at bowling.

I bowled a 258.

What was the greatest thing before TOAST?

We recently purchased a Nintendo Wii and I'm telling you, this is the greatest god damn thing since Tequilla!

Go to your nearest Game Crazy for a free demonstration, I implore you.
Tell 'em Crazy Becky sent you and then go to Carl's Junior and order the Spaghetti Basket.

We have family night dinner almost every Monday, so on Veterans Day we had Mom's enchilada's and dad's beans.

Then, we hooked it up. Note: That's a Croatian and a Serbian working together. It's freaking magical, people. We need to get these to NATO and start distributing them to warring countries. Because, it is quite apparent to me now that Project Panama Red and M & M's didn't pan out. Who knew potheads would fight over the green ones?




And then we bowled




And here's the best part, it's fun for the whole family.



Today I am buying my OWN remote!

Subdued Adventures

This weekend Sandy, Lisa and I attended the "Harvest Artwalk" in Ventura where my co-worker, David Rivas, was the featured artist.

It was lots of fun, but David is going to be in big trouble. He held his exhibit at Fox Fine Jewelry. I bought some lovely Amber earrings and signed up for their mailing list and Lisa and Sandy started wish lists. They have a great selection of martini glasses that I might put on my wish list and I think Lisa said they have some kind of "Ladies Night".

Oh, and they carry Mary Frances PURSES!

But I digress! It was great to see David as the featured artist and he was kind and gracious to my knitster sisters. Sandy even got a hug.

Parking in Ventura is an adventure in itself. After cruising numerous packed parking lots and debating whether to risk a tow away zone Sandy spotted a car that looked like it was leaving in a two hour zone. We waited for them to leave and as soon as we were parked I spotted a vacancy in the "all day zone". So I ran across the street and stood in it until Sandy got her car their.

There was a homeless guy with the biggest water head I had ever seen until we got closer and I realized he just had dread locks tucked into a beanie. Bummer.


We saw One World Drummers and Sandy got me bubbles and a pencil for Eli.

I'll leave you with a picture David took of the 50 Hammer crew where we work. He won first prize for photo journalism for this one. I bought a print and had the whole crew sign it.

Fire Season

This is the view from my backyard today. Where there is brown sky you would normally see the foothills. And geez, we have a lot of lines near those euc's. Our poor critters are all in a snit and Blue has taken to barking at the wind.

I was all alone in my department today. My boss doesn't work on Monday's. David had to leave early and pick up his kids because his wife was stuck on some freeway that was shutdown due to power lines. Cornwell's on oxygen and can't leave the house and Tony was sick, too. And I forgot to bring my knitting! Bud, our Village Idiot due to affirmative action, pissed me off again so he bought me lunch. This is really working out nicely for me.

The wind has been wreaking havoc in Camarillo. Knocking over trees and what not. And speaking of trees, it has always fascinated me how trees have adapted to or evolved with fire. Like the Manzanita, for example. It's seeds are refractory, meaning they won't germinate until after being exposed to fire. It needs fire.

So, a seed can lie on the bed of a forest for a hundred years and along comes a fire and out of that destruction comes new life. I think it gives me hope.

Homeland Security My Ass

What is the appropriate threat level color for a B-52 carrying nuclear weapons by your own government over your state?

I tell you what, that is not going to look good on a resume.

And to your left, my right, you can see what use to be Louisiana. I can see the Spike Lee Documentary trailer already.

It flew across three states carrying six missiles. Apparently, it breached such a level that they had to notify Bush. Egad, I bet he was pissed. What else could possibly go wrong while he is in office? His curse is damn-near, dare I say it, of BIBLICAL proportions? Okay, so let's refresh our memories on what has happened thus far. Ready?

There was 9/11. (But, we don't fuck around when it comes to building Embassiess in the Emerald City.) There was that Space Shuttle that disintegrated over Texas. There was Hurricane Katrina.There was that slight oil spill in Alaska. I think there was an alleged flu pandemic somewhere in the mix.

Oh, but there have been good times too. Remember the time Dubya forgot to chew his pretzel before he swallowed? Oh, how I laughed and laughed at that one. He really is "the accidental president". But seriously, who fucking chokes on a pretzel? That's what you get for gagging me.
There was the time he fell off his bike in Scotland and again in Texas. Oh, he works hard to raise our spirits.

What next? Panty raids at Gitmo?

Okay, your turn. Post as many Bush Blunders that you can remember or place a wager on what could possibly go wrong next.

Ever Had One Of Those Days

That was so surreal and bizarre that if you hadn't been there in person you would never believe it? Me neither. But.... We had one hell of an adventure in Santa Monica while shopping for yarn.

Sandy, Lisa, Terry and I went on a road trip to Wild Fiber for some Koigu. Sandy was going to drive so we met up at her house. Terry forgot her knitting so she graciously volunteered to drive and off we go.

By the time we got to Wild Fiber, poor Terry is a nervous wreck from Lisa and myself hollering last minute directions from, where else, the back seat. Well, we were knitting and would look up at the last minute. We get to the front after a series of u-turns and cutting across driveways and Sandy had to parallel park. She is great at it, by the way.

I bought some koigu to make a baby jacket, some Socks that Rock to make a scarf from a free pattern from Natasha (the new owner) and some blue Baby Alpaca because apparently Lisa thinks I should be bathed in blue, so who am I to argue. I buy my stuff. Terry buys some stuff. Sandy rings her stuff up and decides to put something back on the shelf, sees the amount on the register and is SHOCKED at how much money some people will spend on yarn only to realize it was hers. OMG where's my phone?

There is four of us and we made at least eight trips to the cash register. While I was waiting for them to ring up there cash and prizes I spotted this purse and had to have it. It was actually calling out to me or maybe I'm hearing voices. We got directions to go eat at a coffee shop owned by Bob Dylan, we go out to Terry's car and she asks if someone will drive. Sandy volunteers, we get our bags put away and seated when Sandy turns the key to start the engine and the alarm goes off. The car wouldn't start the alarm wouldn't turn off. Lisa is suppose to be back by two to pickup her car. Sandy feels bad becasue she thinks she broke something. I'm wondering if it would be rude to return to the store and knit (where they have a/C) while they sort this out. So basically, all we needed at this point was a monkey and a football.

Terry decides to cut some wire and that didn't work. I call John and he doesn't answer the phone so I call my step-son and he thinks cutting wires probably isn't a good idea. I walk across the street to a British car mechanic ( who si obvioulsy not British) and he directs me to a 76 Station. Get back to the car, Lisa gets hold of the dealer in Thousand Oaks on her cell, they walk Terry through a serious of locking and unlocking her doors and the car still won't start and the alarm still won't stop so they suggest she get towed. Egad!

Lisa and I walk up to the 76 Station, talk to "Hector" the mechanic, he seems extremely amused by our story and volunteers to take a look at the car for us. We walk back and Terry had HOT WIRED HER CAR! She's like McGyver, only with yarn. How Terry knew how to hot wire a car I really didn't want to pry, but I was extremely impressed.

We went to the 18 Street Coffee Shop, which had a great atmosphere, had some great food and planned a bank heist for next week.

It was a great adventure. Good times, Good times.

I Feel Like A Fraud

To those that think I am a wonderful parent, I have a confession to make. My son Joseph is in jail. I'm not proud of it and I know he isn't either. I just needed to come clean due to the recent posts regarding my "awesomeness" as a parent.

I didn't know until I read on the internet that he had been homeless. Which I find ironic because whenever I am asked why do I associate with Arson, who is homeless, I always resonded that he's somebody's son and I would hope that if it ever happened to one of mine someone would do the same.

So, to make a long story short my parental skills are somewhat sketchy, but in the meantime, I'm waiting on that "my son was inmate of the month" bumper sticker because they've already made him a trustee.

I'm hoping that somewhere in Texarkana, over a bowl of grits for breakfast, something profound will have a "sobering" effect on Joseph, but I don't dare say it out loud because I use to wish my boys would read and I received my first letter from Joseph and at the end of his apology was a request for books.

Moral of the story: Be careful what you wish for and the first thirty years of parenthood really are the hardest.

Three Kids and a Funeral

Went to a funeral today for my brother-in-laws' father, but to my boys he has always been "Grandpa Gedies. Lover of chocolates, cigars, beer and a good joke.

Roger and Jacob were pallbearers and Sean was in full dress, as Grandpa Gedies had joined the Navy at the ripe old age of 16. Sean marched in front of the coffin as his brothers and other family members carried it into the church and gave Grandpa Gedies one more salute.

Then after the Mass we went to the cemetary and the boys carried Grandpa Gedies one more time to his final resting place. Sean presented a flag to Grandma Gedies and brought an additional flag that had been given to him for his service in Iraq. The flag was flown over Iraq and he presented it to his Uncle Danny, which made it so very special.

I shed tears both for the loss of life and out of pride for my boys for stepping up at a time when someone else needed them.

And to top off the day, Jacob's girlfriend called to let us know she had passed the test Jacob had been helping her with to become a US Citizen.

I don't think I've ever been prouder of those boys.

Tonight's Sleepover

Astro came to spend the night tonight. His first night back since we gave him to Eli for his birthday. John called me out to the living room like there was some kind ov emergency



This is the first time Blue has ever let Astro on the couch. I think he missed his brother.

Fucking HMO Son's of Bitches

My favorite line from "As Good As It Gets". So anyway, I call my HMO provider "Kaiser" to make an appointment for female plumbing problems. They send to to a guy, whom I've never met and who after asking numerous questions, tells me I have a dysfunction uterus! Well, this is not going to look good on my yearly review as a Quality Control Manager, but it does explain my children.

Apparently this guy is good because he actually gave me a diagnosis without even "assessing the situation." He didn't venture to look "downtown" and he didn't even peak at my "package". And ladies you know what I'm talking about. I don't like putting my feet in stirrups unless there is a horse involved, but come on. Not a blood test, not a urine test. Zip! Wait, he did say I looked tired and wanted to know if I was getting enough sleep.

So, I called Planned Parenthood and spoke with the nice folks and found at that you can't be diagnosed with a "dysfunctional Uterus" without having tests performed and they told me what to say so I called back and got an appointment for next week with another doctor or Planned Parenthood will do it for $100. So, I just wanted to put that information out there in case any of you have Kaiser, because the female "annual" checkups are know every three years. I really suck at math.

So, my boss gets back today and what do I do? Sleep in. He must think I do this all the time. So I stop to get coffee, well, what's five more minutes when you're an hour late? Right? Wrong! I park at the tile shop because the parking lot is full at the coffee shop and when I came out a damn dump truck had me blocked.

When I got to work I had realized I had locked the front door thereby locking out the cleaning lady. Now I have to CLEAN HOUSE this weekend.

Thank G-d it Thursday.

Sturgeon Moon

Tonights the full moon and I don't know if any of you got the chance, but this morning at 2 AM my husband woke me up to see the lunar eclipse and it was awesome.

Only a lunatic gets up at the crack of dawn to see a lunar eclipse. So, naturally there we were with our pack of dogs (who were quite disgruntled when they discovered there was no food involved and they went back to bed mumbling something about opposable thumbs being overrated and a bipedal walker Texas Ranger) and then the shadow fell across the moon and the sky lit up like the Mother Night.

Okay so I leave you with Mani, God of the Moon, and tomorrow Moe and Jack.

Seems Like Forever

Since I posted last. Work has been busy, two audits in two weeks and we passed both with flying colors. Eli started kindergarten. He sure looks cute in his uniform.

I am making Jacob a Cavendish for either his birthday which is in September or I will give it to him for Christmas. I hope the colors are "manly" enough for him and if not fuck him.

I also started the Lizard Ridge blanket and I really like the color, but my G-d are my hands killing me. I am definitely putting this on hold for awhile until I figure out how to knit backwards.

And last but not least Eli gets to spend every Monday night now with grandma and grandpa while his mom attends college. So we had family supper and Grandpa made meatloaf and potatoes and look at the damage that boys does to an ear of corn

The scab on his elbows was his first boo boo at Kindergarten and he already got a note from the teacher because he brought a toy to class in his pocket.

The cracker don't fall far from the box.

My Little Working Man

I just couldn't resit taking this picture this morning as Jacob made his lunch for work. John gave him an old lunch box and he bought him Gatorade and Root Beer and cooked him dinner last night. Fried potatoes with fried eggs and fried sausage smothered in cheese and John's homemade salsa. Manly food.

As you can see in the background I have a pile of dishes and another load was already in the dishwasher. The boy eats like a freaking hoover.

Randon Rantings

So, it is now day 3,496 that I have been held captive by my Central Park Hoodie. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but it sure seems like it. Not only did I screw up on the cables on the front panels the first time, but the second round I neglected to change my needle from a 6 to 8 after I ripped it out again. So, I have now ripped it out for a third time and we will just see what blond moment I have next. I'm not even going to jinx it by showing a progress pictures.

But I will share the lovely yarn that arrived today. It is called Sea Silk and it is just beautiful and they sent the nicest card along with it. I bought it online at Knit-Purl I have no idea what I will knit yet, most likely a shawl, but it is so soft.

I was pleasantly surprised to have Jacob "fruit of my looms" stay the night and his pets sure were ever so glad to see him again. Both pets use to sleep with him when he lived at home. So, to get you up to speed, he's no longer working in the meat department in the Valley. He is now an apprentice in the Carpenter's Union and he's working at the Oaks. So it's closer from here than the valley to drive. And I happen to have stuff to make sandwiches in my refrigerator. (See this is why every time they move out I fill a room with yarn)

This kid changes jobs like I buy yarn. I can't keep up with him anymore. Oh to be young and adventurous again. Wait! I was adventurous last Friday when Sandy, Sophia and I and went to Adventures for Kids and we each got a copy of the new Harry Potter book.

It sure was great to be in an independent book store again.

Okay, Miss Sophia, I updated my blog. Tag, you're it!

What a Weekend!

I can remember putting my boys into the back seat and driving and them falling asleep like it was just yesterday. Oh, wait it was yesterday! John, Sean and I drove to Canoga Park to pick up Jacob's uncle and then on to Woodland Hills to watch Jacob graduate. I had to miss knit night! And being the Fruit of my Looms that he is Jacob was the ABSOLUTE LAST graduate to walk across the stage.


I know, I should be proud and bragging, but it was hot and they handed out these plasting hands for clapping and there were kids behind me and I was about to ready to go ape shit.

So, we went to dinner with his uncle and buzzin cousins Krissy and Ikaika

Then today I dive to my local coffee shop and they are having a dad gum street fair and the streets were blocked and parking was jacked up so needless to say I was quite cranky by the time I got my morning cup of coffee. And Arson was there with his bible study group, saw I was cranky and gave me a rose. And then he told the group I was his adopted mom. Is that not the sweetest thing?

Came home in a good mood and and was going to do housework and I always start with the bed and since Louis refused to move I went on strike.

Did I Mention I Was Born With My Foot In My Mouth?

I was hanging out at my local coffee shop today knitting where I meet the nicest people. Okay, he wasn't there today, but I did buy him someting for his nose.

So, I'm knitting and as always, knitting is an ice breaker and people come up, ask questions, yadda yadda yadda. So today this lovely couple were in town from Thousand Oaks. Big drive. She was admiring my Central Park Hoodie and we talked about yarn stores. She'd never heard of AFY so I gave her directions. A really nice lady. They're getting ready to go to Florida. She knit a sweater for her granddaughter and her grandson wants a vest.

So, then her husband and I start to talk and they had gone to see the Tennessee Three last night in the park. We have free concerts in Constitution Park during the summer months and John and I had gone with Sandy and Marty and we had a great time, but we never heard the end of where Sandy and I had strategically situated the chairs. You see, when we placed the chairs on the grass they were in the shade. When we went back to watch the concert the sun HAD MOVED! True story, I wouldn't shit you.

Okay, so back to the coffee shop. So this man and I were talking about the concert and how they should do someting about the kids running around and then he says something silly about women and knitting. And my standard line with all men is "Did you bring your whittling?" And I'll be go to hell if that man didn't show me a scar about three inches long on his left hand (palm area) that he got from WHITTLING! "True story", his wife said.

Who the fuck still whittles?

Hi, My Name Is Eli

And it's been eight minutes since I had my last hit of catnp.

I walked in the door and sprawled all over the floor was Eli and a bag of catnip accidently left where he had access.



How long he was rolling around in the catnip I have no idea, but he was toasted when I got home. At one point he bumped the door and thought it was attacking him.



Louis tried to cut in on the action and then a fight broke out and I had to send him outside.

I'm thinking an intervention is in order.

If You're Not Outraged You're Not Paying Attention

I am not a viewer of the O'Reilly Cluster Fuck, but I caught a glimpse of it last night at JJ's and the bastard was talking smack about Will Ferrells' the Landlord. How the fuck is that news? It's comedy much like the mayor's extramarital affair. What a joke.


Al Gore's son caught with drugs WHILE DRIVING A PRIUS is not news. But the fact they go 100mph is.


The fact that a lake disappeared in two months due to global warming is news.

And today of all days, this is news

and this is news.

To all the men and women who serve their country, I thank you for your service.

Conversations with Mother

Mother told me a story she made up about me and my pets today.

Louis to Eli: Have you notice how clean the place is these days?

Eli to Louis: Yes, and have you noticed our owner has started to grow claws?

Louis to ELi: Yes I did. You don't think she'll start using the litter box do you?

Hank to the cats: Hell no her butt's too big.

Is it any wonder I turned out like I did?

Vacation Day Who Knows

I'm really starting to enjoy this. Today I slept in until EIGHT THIRTY! Which is quite late for me. I'm having a great time, in spite of assholes like I ran into yesterday.

I was in line at Rite Aid getting John's prescription and the man at the head of the line was causing a raucous and belittling the young man working and this horrid woman kept laughing. Finally the young man had had enough and he told the man if he disrespected him one more time he wouldn't wait on him and he was very polite while doing this. And then went on to remind that man that as an ADULT he should know better. Well the man turned around with a smirk and I recognized him as the guy in charge of sending kids on missionary services, or whatever you call them, at a local church in town. He hangs out at Palermos's. I had just spoke with him Tuesday, for crying out loud, because we were talking about how I read children's' books every summer. He complained to the manager wanting the young man fired! This is an adult in charge of youths?

Okay, so then the horrid lady gets her turn and all the while she kept laughing while the young man was trying to be professional with the irate Jesus Freak, saying out loud that if she were on welfare or an illegal alien she would be treated better. She gets rung up and then she yells that she's not going to pay for a prescription twice. He explains that her doctor prescribed 15 pills (half a day) and then he called in another fifteen. Which is a new prescription. She says she's suppose to take one pill a day now, demands to talk to the pharmacist and then wants the pharmacist to call her doctor RIGHT NOW. I walked up beside her and said perhaps she should call her doctor as that's how the civilized world works. The computer doesn't know the doctor increased her dosage and these people are just trying to do their jobs and yelling at them isn't helping and perhaps she should get some fake documents and say she's from Canada. She pretended I wasn't there or was rendered speechless. In any event, she finally shut the fuck up! Which was all I wanted and I'm sure the 18 people waiting in line as well.

I finally got my turn and picked up John's pill, left, called back, talked with the pharmacist and told him he deserves hazardous pay. Something diabolical need to be done to those people who are so rude to people who are just trying to do their jobs. I mean, do they really believe that they fuck with them on purpose so they can stand there and get yelled at and not yell back?

Update

Eli came to spend the night and Grandpa showed Eli a lovely trick that involves pulling ones finger. Eli fled the room, came back and told Grandpa, "don't do that! That was disgusting." You go Eli, I've been telling him that for years. Eli told us all about his fishing trip. He is such a man now. Fish stories already?

Eli modeled my new Cavendish while standing next to Jacob's cat Eli who has taken over the yarn room. They are both such hams. My son Sean is finally going to be home for at least three years so the move into their new house today and Eli gets a dog from the pound. He's so excited and he wants one like Hank.

And Bob's your Uncle.

Vacation Day Two

Has taught me that you know you are technologically challenged when homeless people offer you tips on electronics. My friend Arson, (and yes, I will talk to anybody if they are interesting) taught me that I can lock my iPod and do a whole bunch of other shit. Then he commandered some guys laptop and we looked at websites. Gross stuff, something my boys would do to try and shock me. It is just amazing what people will let you get away with if you have tattoos on your face. I need one for work, most definitely, but more like a decal. John can barely handle that I talk to homeless people let alone get a tattoo. What a fuddy duddy. I never get to do anything.

I sat and knitted at the local coffee shop while Arson played guitar, recited (more like shouted) the words to Big Rock Candy Mountain with a PUNK twist and then he joined me for lunch and we chatted about religion and politics until Sandy arrived and then they talked about deviated septums, tribal tattoo's, etc., and I didn't know what the hell was going on. First, a homeless guy upstages me with technology (he has a myspace account, for crying out loud) and then, Sandy blows me away with her major street props. I don't know exactly what that means, but I sure like saying it. So while they were chatting it up, I talked some businessmen into turning off a generator that was city property that was making an ungodly noise running lights in broad daylight. Well, it was making an annoying noise that was giving Sandy a headache. And we can't have that. Arson would have done it if I asked, but he has enough fines as it is for "camping illegally" in Camarillo. I mean, where do they expect homeless people to sleep? Arson bought us dessert which was a brownie with a hot cinnamon roll on top all smothered in whip cream. He calls it the monster.

We saw a baby, I shit you not, named Rebecca, aged six months and she likes DR PEPPER!!! Is that not cool, or what?

Then Sandy and I joined the knitster sisters for dinner at JJ's and John joined us. Sandy thought she really liked Sophia's new purse until Sandy realized it was a menu and John tried real hard not to crack up and probably has a new opinion of my homeless friend.

I hope everyone enjoyed dinner as it was a real treat for Sandy and me to stay close to home for a change. Not that Ventura is THAT far away, but it is nice to just hop in ones car and be home once in awhile. I could and should have walked to the coffee shop, but that's not going to happen.

I went in to work today Day Three to do some invoicing and got into a fight with the Controller WHILE WEARING A GHANDI SHIRT! Okay this is how it went. One of the guys that works for me, well, his wife was pregnant and she lost the baby. Very sad. So, he stayed home with her this week in lieu of working AS HE SHOULD HAVE. We get bereievement pay and I put in a request that he get paid and the controller tells me IT DIDN'T FALL UNDER THE GUIDELINES BECAUSE NO DEATH WAS INVOLVED. Now remember, I'm wearing my Ghandi shirt that says "Peace Hero" plus I just knew he was going to pull some shit like that so I didn't argue and told him to do and walked away. He then wrote me a memo and placed it under my door which I had previously slammed and then stomped my foot. I might have even said fiddle dee dee, I'm not real clear on that, but what an ASSHOLE. He was quoting IRS jargon, blah blah blah. He was then TOLD to do it by a man who outranks me and everybody else in the plant so now he's going to do it.

See, this is where a tattoo on my face would come in handy.

Vacation Day One

So, I had my first half day off for vacation today and so far the highlight of the day was my new temporary crown on tooth number 19 and the field mouse in my house

Went into work for a couple of hours, came home and decided to knit and watch television. Rosie isn't going to replace Bob Barker on the Price is Right. Paris Hilton's trash is for sale on ebay and there is a media frenzy expected when she gets liberated tomorrow or is she out as I write this? And didn't we already liberate Paris once before from that pesky Hitler? I just hope this doesn't put a damper on dinner at JJ's and knit night at Palermo's tomorrow. I had enough of the paparazzi at the Summer Solstice party. Oh and some lawyer thinks his pants are worth 54 million.

I was completely engrossed (apparently being on vacation lowers your IQ) and the phone rang and I was late for my dental appointment. Yippeeee

Came home and there was a mouse in the house. He scampered under the dishwasher and later tonight he was cornered by one Jack Russell and two cats and that little mouse stood his ground. I tried to get John to watch, I mean it was like National Fucking Geographic right in our living room, but he can't handle violence and was relieved to know that the mouse made it safely under the couch. The pets soon tired and either I'll find it dead in my bed tomorrow ala Revenge of the Godfathers Pets or he makes it out the doggie door.

Egad I have two more weeks of this. I think I'll give alcoholism a try. Did you know that housework makes a martini fun? No, that's not right.

A Concert with Jacob

The Kelly Richy Band concert was cancelled at the Ventura Theatre, but not to worry because Jacob, fruit of my looms, came to my rescue and serenaded me on his acoustic bass which he lovingly refers to as "his baby".

We had Lemon Drop Martinis together which was a first. He had one and we'll just say I had more than one.

I spruced up the yarn room and started to place my new yarn snugly in its' new home.

I went and bought an antique Chinese Knitting basket and then I received a phone call from a woman and she is coming next week to CLEAN MY HOUSE. John, love of my life and sneaky devil to boot, has been working on his nephew's patio cover and got the number of their maid.

I feel absolutely decadent, but I better start cleaning house.

My Loot

 

So the day starts out with work as usual. Mom calls and she doesn't need to go to the doctor after all. (she hurt her back a week ago vacuuming) So since the shop is shut down I asked to leave early and met up with Sandy and Sophia for an adventure in shopping. I explained to my boss that it was a knitting emergency and surprisingly he understood and let me go. He's so cool.

We made it to BB's unscathed and believe me there were some crazy drivers out today (NOT COUNTING SANDY. I'm kidding! I will travel anywhere with her) we shopped until we dropped. I convinced Sandy to park at the Coffee Bean and then we Jay walked to BB's! We were breaking the law people. I am such a bad influence. We ate somewhere in Summerland that Sophia suggested and I had a delicious burger and onion rings.

Then we went on to Ventura to knit at AFY. We took a detour and showed Sandy some of the finer camp sites in Ventura and then we ended up at Palermo's. I can't even begin to explain how hilarious trying to find a parking spot was or why. Perhpas I was giddy from all the shopping. We came across a store that sales nothing but stuff form Ireland. I bought John a beautiful cabled sweater to surprise him with before I told him how much I spent at BB's. I'm kidding. I snuck the yarn in while he was in the shower and have insulated my yarn room with it. We made it to AFI and were so excited to be there that we almost left the car running and walked away. I got the cutest little purse and MORE YARN!

The conversation at AFY was quite racy this week. We discussed irons, steamers, vacuums, (Dyson versus Windtunnel) Christa's trip to Germany and the hightlight was Laura called and filled us in on her andventures at school. It was all quite heady stuff. I was so mentally exhasted I had to pass on Mimi's and go home. Plus, Jacob wanted me to e-mail him his resume from a disc. I took Jacob to Palermo's and we sang along with System of a Down on my new stereo.

"Dreaming of screaming
someone kick me out of my mind
I hate these thoughts I can deny"

And then Jacob took a picture of me with my loot and he told me he thinks I am DE AGING! Is that not the sweetest thing you ever heard? Maybe he's planning on blackmailing me with it at a later date.

Father's Day 2007

 

John and his kids (Jackie and Little John) get entertained by a magician while we wait to eat. Then we went bowling!

Classmates dot com

I received an e-mail from an old schoolmate. We've kept in touch via classmates which is a way cool venue for keeping in touch with old friends.

James and I had this class called "outdoor education" together with Coach Tacket (aka Ticky Tackett) where the class met in the football field and tied knots and maybe they taught us how to put up tents. I don't recall all of the details because it was the '70's. Need I say more? I think we walked to the beach for our final exam and had a bbq. Anyway I know we had food because James brought pancit which I had never had before and James claims I called it something expletive. Me? Why,I would never do such a thing. Anyway, I love the stuff.

So, anywho James is going to be playing at the Majestic Ventura Theater this weekend (June 22nd) with the Kelly Richie Band

I think it 's time for the knitster sisters to have a non-knit night.
So check out the link I've attached and if you like what you hear come join John and me and maybe you ladies can get him drunk and talk him into remodeling your kitchens.

28 Hours Without Caffeine

Or How I spent My Morning with the Cardiologist

So I go to the doctors get weighed in, ( which is traumatic, to say the least) get injected with some nuclear medicine (which is how I suspect they dispose of nuclear waste) and am told to sit in a waiting room for the dye to kick in. There is an 81 year old man already there. I know he's 81 because he tells me right off the bat and then he wants to know if I am going to molest him. I say no. He wants to know why not. I threaten to poke him with my knitting needle. He wants to know if I will knit him a hat to keep the hair out of his eye. (He has no hair). I have three more hours of this. Oy vey!

I show his daughter how how to pick up a dropped a stitch with a crochet hook. She is utterly amazed and now I feel like fucking Hoodini!

I go and have pictures of my heart in a stationary position and fall asleep.

Go back and the old dude wants to know if I brought beer! I’m telling you I have some kind of radar for the eccentric. He goes on to tell me he hasn’t had a drink or a smoke in over 35 years. I, on the other hand, am now considering taking it up. At least that way, if the doctor find something wrong I have something other than knitting, sex or food to give up. Wow! I just realized on my priority list knitting came first. No pun intended.

The doctor arrives and I am forced to walk on the treadmill. I have never walked that far on my horse let alone on foot. Two minutes into the test the doctor looks at the sheet that the computer is spitting out and he says OH MY GOD! I stopped walking and damn near fell over as the treadmill was still going and said what? He says to me, “we still have 45 minutes to go on this test.” “That is so not cool,” I said. "You don't look at a patients report and say OH MY GOD!" He then grabs the monitor and very loudly yells, “OH MY GOD! DIAL 9-1-1”. About 10 seconds later a nurse was at the door and we would have been struck dead if looks could kill.

I am now walking as if I were in hot pursuit of a yarn sale and the doctor says “Does your chest hurt?” I reply “No, but my fucking legs are killing me.” He looks at his young assistant, who has been taking notes as the doctor calls them out and says, “put on her report HER FUCKING LEGS ARE KILLING HER! Okay read that back to me” I though the kid was going to die. I’m cracking up on the treadmill, which I don’t recommend by the way, because I know I cuss a lot, but I hadn’t realized I had cussed until the doctor repeated what I said. The doctor then sees my knitting and asks if I want the knitting simulator. Great, my cardiologist the comedian. Maybe he's a long lost nephew of Groucho.

I finish up and go rest and then get more picture taken of my heart and apparently I fell asleep because I woke myself up snoring.

I just hope that was the only noise coming from my body.

Central Park Hoodie

As you can see, I have finished the back of my hoodie and am now working on the front left. After several attempts it was pointed out to me by Sophia that the pattern (ribbing section) was incorrect. I thought I was loosing my mind. I'm just glad it didn't happen while doing the back or I'm sure I would have given up.

So anywaze, have had a great weekend thus far. Had great food at Cheryl's. Her burgers were wonderful and Terry's salad was delicious. Sophia brought some bread that her mother made that was delicious and John made salsa.

Here's one more shot of the hoodies taken by Lisa.

I Think I Might Have Joined a Cult

I started my CPH this weekend. I started it initially last week, but my gauge was off so I was bummed and then Terry showed up at the store, and knitting genius that she is, she told me to just knit two (2) sizes bigger. I never would have thought of that.

So, Friday night while the girls were over, I started on it, which was a bad thing to do because I still have my sleeves to finish on my Elsbeth Lavold's Ruth sweater. Oh, and Friday over wine and food, Cheryl finished her Elsbeth Lavold Sweater. The picture I took doesn't begin to do the cables justice. It's just gorgeous.

So, after much wine and gumbo, (my equivalent to tea and sympathy) we looked at porn. I'M KIDDING. We just chatted and what not. I must admit I feel rather impotent as my homemade french bread did not rise so I had to make cornbread to go with my seafood gumbo. Which is a major faux pas. You have to have bread with gumbo and cornbread with hoppin' John. Any who we had a little get together because, as you all know, Laura is going off to college and in my family food is how we express love. So much love was poured into my Seafod Gumbo for Laura as she ventures off and we definitely need to plan a road trip to Portland, ladies!

Well, I better tidy up the house and dispose of the wine bottles before John gets home from San Diego. I have to admit it sure is cool having the house to myself on the weekends. Jacob even visited Friday (he owed me money) so he ate with us and opened the wine bottles and waited on the girls. I'm not naming any names, but one of the knitster sister was quite smitten with him BACK OFF LADY! He's my baby and he just barely got his braces removed. Hmmmm, maybe she has a thing for teeth.

PS Thank you Sophia for fixing the date on my camers.

I Will Do Anything To Get Out Of Work

So, I'm on my way to the gas station on my lunch hour, minding my own business and I run out of diesel. Ironically, I had told my boss before I left I was taking a long lunch. I had no idea. So, after I panicked, I called AAA, my boss, my husband (I get his voice mail) and my purchasing manager, (who is a race car driver), in that order.

AAA advised me they will be here in thirty minutes, and since I never miss an opportunity to knit, guess what I did? Exactly. I had all the stuff to knit myself a blanket, if need be. So, I'm knitting while blocking traffic, getting the darndest glares and my phone rings and the Tow Truck driver can't find me. Are you sure you're on Rice? Yes, I'm in front of Big T's Freightlines. Okay, I may have ran out of diesel, but I know where the hell I am.

The tow truck drivers shows up and I explain to him I was on my way to the gas station and I think I might have run out of diesel and he lectures me. Nervy little bastard. " Lady," he says, "do you know what you have to do when you run out of diesel?" "Yes", I say, "you have to prime the engine (I had just learned that from my purchasing manager btw.)which is why I have AAA." He was not amused. So he tells me I'll tow you where ever you want to go, but the gas station up the road is out of business and I'm not priming your engine. So, I decide he should tow me home as my husband has no problem priming my engine so I'm sure he can fix the diesel.

He got my truck ready to be towed. I look at the truck through the rear window and I am reminded that John and I were married in this truck at the drive thru in Vegas which reminds me that John and Sandy share the same birthday. Which makes me think, "I wonder what Sandy is doing?" So, I call Sandy from the cab of the truck and tell her what happened. We both agree Oy' vey what a day we're having and agree we should go knit, IMMEDIATLEY.

On the drive home the tow truck driver and I are talking, because as my brother always said, I would talk to a serial killer if I were standing next to him in line. He tells me about the decline of gas stations and how no one knows how to work on a car much less a diesel engine. He tells me about his friend, Leo, who worked as a mechanic for 20 years and now the gas station where Leo worked isn't going to have mechanics because they are being foreced to put in a small store. I ask, "Is it Leo from the Chevron on Hemlock and Victoria?" And it is! What a small world.

I make it home, Sandy picks me up and we're off for another adventure.

Say It Loud I Knit and I'm Proud

June 9th is is World Wide Knit in Public Day so I have a suggestion.

After reading and hearing about the horror stories of women who are denied the right to knit FOR A WHOLE DAY in courthouses across the nation, (which I believe falls under Cruel and Unusual Punishment) this travesty cannot continue, ladies. I could take somebody out with "War and Peace" (hardback, of course) for crying out loud, and they're worried about knitters?

I say we pack a picnic lunch, bring a blanket and chairs and knit in front of the Government Center in Ventura.

We could bring signs, like "don't unravel our rights" or something along those lines. Get T-shirts made for our first annual "knit-in". (It is actually the second annual knit in public day)

Allright knitster sisters, whose with me?

Be Nice To Someone In Retail Day

Someone equated my blog to a Seinfeld episode and now I completely understand the soup Nazi. I have been observing certain individuals at my local coffee shop and I can’t take it anymore. They are rude and I want to cause them bodily damage. For example, this one “lady” ordered a Fireside Chai and then she brings it back and wants “ice” because it’s too hot! Okay, lady, you don’t order a drink with fire anywhere in its’ name and then complain about the heat.

NO TEA FOR YOU!

And today a man walked up to the counter, WHEN IT WAS MY TURN TO ORDER, and asked if they could rinse his sunglasses off. What the hell. You can't walk your fat ass down to the bathroom and wash your own glasses? It’s a coffee shop! They are not your servants. They make you coffee, tea and the occasional smoothie. Which I still don’t get. Why would you go to a coffee shop for a drink that has no caffeine?

And them fat ass B’s that order a drink and then substitute the steamed milk with soy, but want EXTRA WHIP CREAM. What the hell? It's udder madness. And here's a hint. When you order your drink tell them the size first. It’s universal that they write on the cup what you want in the cup. So after you’re done telling them you want a carmel latte with ½ soy and ½ half-and-half with extra ice, a shot of espresso and double up on the whip cream. Do not huff and sigh and stomp your size 9 squeezed into a 7 ½ pump when they ask you again after they finally break the freakin code as to what size you want. For the love of god!

My point is, what the fuck was my point? Damn, now I’ve lost my train of thought. Oh here it is now. Be nice to the people in retail. They don’t make the big bucks and they didn’t sign up to clean your glasses or watch your kid running amock after you've gotten the snot nosed little brat hopped up on hot chocolate.

Which, I swear to G-d if that kid runs by me one more time I'm tripping his little ass.

Mother's Day 2007

I woke up to the sound of barking dogs at 6 AM. I could hear a sound at the back door like someone was trying to break in. I went to investigate and there was Jacob standing at the back door, juggling a bouquet of pink roses and a card while trying to fight the dogs off. They were so excited to see him.

I called off the hounds and let him in, eventually. I put the roses in water and went to brush my teeth and came out to find him fast asleep in my bed. Hank guarded him while I went to get coffee. I made him breakfast (sausage and eggs) while listening to Green Day.

He ate and showed me how to work the DVD player, again, and then it was time for him to leave for work. We sat in the garden for a moment, my head on his shoulder, and watched the hummingbirds flutter about and talked a bit. He told me how he rememberd when I taught him how to play catch, how we use to lay on the grass and watch clouds, and when I taught him how to roll down a grassy hill. We even laughed about the time I chased him with an axe.

And then he really had to go. I came back into the house and rearranged my flowers and read my card. and I bawled like a baby.

It's the best cry I've had in a long time.

I Am Technologically Retarded

I have had the television on mute for the last 45 minutes (Note to self: Have Laura teach me how to use DVD player.) listening for a fucking beep. That's right. A beep. I thought it was the microwave. Nope. Then I checked the smoke detector only to discover it's not there. (scary music plays in background)

So I'm all alone on a Saturday night (John is staying in San Diego until tomorrow) and I am going insane because I cannot locate a beep. I stand in the hallway with my arms acrossed my chest lying in wait like a stalker and then I hear it again! It's coming from the office area. I probably looked like Barney Fife when I turned that corner and saw the computer and the printer were both on. Aha! So I check them both and no beep. And then I look down and to my horror I discover it is my new fucking phone. It beeps? (scary music gets louder)

How retarded am I? Apparently Jacob called again! He left a message to see if I was okay while John was gone.

My child had the ability to do a good deed and PISS ME OFF in one shot.

Damn, he's good.

I Think My Sweater is Possessed

As you can see, I'm just at the point on my sweater where we left off when I had to rip it back a ways. And now I can't find my freakin book! I have looked everywhere!

And this morning when I went to take a photo to post my progress my computer wouldn't open my scandisc stating the disc was full when I plugged it in. So I had to go to My Computer and find my removable thingamagig and find the picture and open it and save it my desktop because my photo program (Picassa) wouldn't open it.

Does any one see a pattern here? It's fucking mocking me.

And ironically, I had a dream about blogging last night. I had a dream about some indigenous people that lived off the earth and they had three black cats that helped them hunt and in my dream I posted about them on my blog, but failed to provide a link, and eveyone thought I made them up. What the fuck?

And am I getting paranoid or has anyone beside me noticed that we never get the same waiter/waitress at Mimi's twice? Do they have to draw straws? Do they hire a new person just to serve us on Thursdays? And what is up with that strange man who comes to our table every freakin Thursday? Quite frankly, he freaks me out.

So, back to my sweater. I wasn't going to start anything until I finished this sweater. Next on my list is the Cult Classic Central Park Hoodie and a baby blanket for one of my guys at work who is going to have is first child. And now I'm at a stand still. Do I break down and buy the book again knowing I will find it as soon as I bring it into the house? Do I start something else and risk forgetting where I left off and completely screwing this sweater up? (not that I can't all on my own, mind you.) Am I posting extraneous bullshit in hopes that the cat box will clean itself?

Stay tuned.

We Are Not Amused

She looks like she wants to beat him like biscuit dough. It was embarassing enough that the waterhead retard, back in 1991 when his father was president, quipped to the Queen, "I'm the black sheep of the family. Who's yours?" Who knew the Queen was privvy to the first Bushism?

Fast forward to 2007 and not only does he damn near place her on the throne since the 1800's, but, wait there's more. He winked at the Queen.

For some reason when I saw that picture I could immediately hear Sandy's voice in head.

"Well for crying out loud you don't wink at the Queen. What were you thinking?"

Abstract Rantings

I came home tonight after spending a great evening with the knitster sisters to a quiet house. The girls and I had great laughs, the food was okay, the waiter was cute and I joked about the funny things I would put on my blog tonight.

This wasn't on the list and if you're expecting funny, look away. This is extremely "depressing", for lack of a better word. I don't even know what to call it.

Like I said, I came home to a quiet house. John and Hank were in bed so I turned off the television and decided to go through the bills. Among the bills, and other extraneous crap that is deliverd to my house, I noticed a small, but soon to be powerful envelope. One which I hesitated to open upon reading the return address. It was from my sister and my brother-in-law.

Their lives have been forever altered in such a manner that I still cannot even fathom. To say I cannot wrap my fucking brain around it would be an understatement. Bill's daughter, Rebecca, was murdered about a month ago by a man. Her cowardly husband, who was soon to be an ex, did the plotting, while some other slime-of-the earth carried out the deed. They will remain nameless, because evil deserves no fucking recognition and may they all ROT IN HELL!


I don't even feel right writing about this, but when I opened that envelope fully expecting to see the words "thank you" but instead I gazed upon her face I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I don't know what it is I am experiencing, but the intense expression on her face, the sadness in her eyes, the manner in which she holds her head is haunting me.

So Many Questions

My grandson Eli, spent the weekend. Today went something like this. Eli "What happens if you put honey on you?" Me" You would get sticky." Eli "what happens if you run outside?" Me "The bees would get you." Eli "why?" Me "Bee's like honey. And speaking of bees, did you know that 90% of our food supply is based upon bees pollinating plants and there was a recent study performed and there is a shortage of bees that could affect our food supply? Eli" Can I have some juice, Grandma?"

Nice try kid, but you are dealing with a professional. Just ask your father and three uncles.

Yesterday we went to see Spiderman 3. Not something I would pick out, but when I'm in grandma mode all logic goes to the wind. It's in the bi-laws. The paragraph right after never question a grandma's statistics. So we had popcorn and icee's and something chewy and extremely sour which made us make funny faces each time we had one and we did it over and over again and giggled until the music got scary and Eli would cover his ears, but still watched the movie. That's a new one.











We went home and I bought him his first glove and we played catch in the front yard. He has a pretty good arm and with more practice eventually he will throw it somewhere in my location. He's only five.














Then came time for chores. He watered the garden and wanted to know why did the cat's kill a lizard. (My garden is littered with lizard remains. I will spare you photos) So, I explained how cats hunt. And then he discovered that when sprayed, water makes a rainbow. "how come?" Okay I admit it, I made something up. I lied to a child. But I'm tired and I haven't knitted in two days and after questions like "why can't apples swim?" and "you said I could have juice and I want pickle juice." And two days of Spongebob(which by the way is not a new form of contraception) and I was a Teenage Robot, there's gotta be something in the by-laws for that one. I think I need absolution and I'm not even Catholic.

Public Displays of Candor

I spent today at the WCAB ON MY FREAKIN DAY OFF! Why, you ask? Because I was served a subpoena that stated I was to be there at 8:30 AM so, naturally, I was there at 8:15 AM not wanting to be late, which would be rude and the freakin judge moseys in at 10:30AM!

Don't ask me why, but I just can't take a man wearing a robe seriously.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. So we're waiting on the judge and there were at least 5 lawyers and several witness and out of all these people this laywer named Jimmy Page (I'm not making this up) starts telling me about his days as a roadie for The Doors. He told me about the first of many times he dropped acid. It was legal at the time, he pointed out, and it was on a sugar cube. He told me he got concerned when he saw a blue light bulb come out of his head. He also told me that Jim Morrison has been reincarnated as a cat that has been seen sleeping on Jim Morrison's headstone.

Your Honor? May I be dismissed?

He told me about the time Grace Slick kicked his ass and she drives a white VW Rabbit with Grace on the license plate. This happens to me all the time (these displays of candor by perfect strangers) and I don't mind them, but it seems that others around me are alarmed or at the very least uncomfortable by these displays of public candor. I don't know if they think I'm uncomfortable or what. Maybe it's my aura or perhaps I look like a nut and that is what draws them to me. Oh, and speaking of nuts, he also told me that his aunt, who was mentally ill, was let out of a Mental Institute in the LA area and was given a one way bus ticket to Vegas during the Reagan Adminstration! Can you believe that shit? They sent her to VEGAS? And her family, in California, then had to retrieve her. Does anyone know if this is factual? If so, I'm pissed. I made my horse stand in the hot sun to watch his funeral procession go by and I would not have done so had I known he let mentally ill people go to Sin City. I mean, a field trip would be okay, but dumping them in the desert is not cool.

So, like I said, the judge shows up at 10:30 just in time to ask a few questions, let everybody introduce themselves, get settled and the next thing you know we're breaking for recess. I thought, "Cool! Who wants to play Dodge Ball?"

We went to TGIF's and our lawyer sprang for lunch which was, to quote Laura, "Sweet". Our lawyer, who was previously dumbfounded by Jimmy Page's public display then went on to tell me she is a Hindu and her son just married a women who practices jainism. Which, for some reason, made me not feel guilty after I had ordered the Jack Daniels Burger, being she was Hindu and all.

So, we got back from lunch where we waited on the judge again and I overheard the damndest things. These laywers were discussing the new language on amputations. Amputations? My ears picked up, as I've been honing my eavesdropping skils at Mimi's on a regular basis. Apparently, it's not a limb anymore. It's a bone fragment. Tissue removed by means of microscopic/orthoscopic surgery. One lawyer said her client had a cyst removed and according to the new language THAT was considered an amputation. At that point, I interrupted and pointed out that by their definition I had performed an amputation on myself when I removed an unsightly blackhead and then I added that I was going to have to look up some morticians for some uplifting conversation. Lawyers for the applicant are a gruesome lot.

Then they discussed that four year old who was tackled by a football player and what kind of lawsuit would come out of it. It was a pretty disgusting display. Where's a sugar cube when you need it? Again, I had to speak my mind and state that at some point people need to take responsibility for their own actions and suck it up.

It was like blasphemy.

Eventually I was sworn in and was questioned and the applicants attorney didn't even cross examine me! What the fuck? That just can't be good.

Oh, and I was KIP'ing (knitting in public) the whole time and I gave the name of our LYS to two lawyers who I did not observe drooling over potential football lawsuits and amputations.

Luna-Tic

Tomorrow's full moon is the Flower Moon and I certainly have an abundance of flowers in bloom, so I think the name is quite appropriate.

I love the full moon and not just because lunatic and loony are derivatives of luna. You just have to admire something that has the ability to cause gravitational pulls on large bodies of water.

I love the stories of were-wolf transformations during the full moon. And little green men and defiant women, like the Chinese moon goddess Heng O, symbol of the cold and dark yin, who defied her husband, stole half of his mortality elixer and fled to the moon.

Okay, it's damn near 12 o'clock and I'm writing about gravitational pulls and full moons. I definitely had too much coffee with the girls. Or did I?

Muwahahahahahahaha

The Horror!

Went to Palermo's to knit with Sandy and Terry today and I was so excited because I was this close to start on the neck portion of my sweater when Terry pointed out my cables looked funny.










I can't believe I missed whole sections like that. And I can't believe as many times as I have measured the front I never noticed. (Please submit blonde joke here)

I'm just so glad Terry was there to show me how to rip it out and that Sandy was there for moral support. Lois even helped long distance. I didn't have my book with me and I drove home and couldn't find it, but I did grab Infidel for Terry to borrow and Lois was kind enough to tell me how to decrease AGAIN! Oh well, live and learn.

Then we went to JJ Brewsky's for lunch. I had the kobe burger with bleu cheese and it was delicious. And so were Sandy's french fries.

Sandy headed off for a hair appointment and Terry and I walked off our lunch by window shopping at a few local antique shops and then we looked at tile












Isn't that a pretty sight? John is going to put up two temporary false walls and tear down the weight bearing wall (egad) and replace it with a beam so the room is bigger. How we went from laying tile to tearing down walls, I really have no idea.

I just hope he's a better carpenter than I am a knitter.