All is not well in our little hamlet. I regret to inform you that our dear beloved little Christina has been kidnapped by a band of roving German Bears wielding weapons of corn and she has been carried off into the dark of night (or perhaps to Seattle).
She put up a vailant fight, but the minute they challenged her to a math contest, all hope was lost. Oh, the irony. I pleaded to go in her place. Obsequiously I offered myself up as their sex slave, I'm ashamed to say.
A sacrificial lamb, so to speak. But regretably I have always sucked at felatio which is why my career as a televangelist never quite took off the ground like my buddy in Colorado, but alas, I digress.
If only I had thought to offer up the stuffed turkey roll, and the chocolate triffle, the cranberry salad and asparagus in a vinegette sauce. Oh god, and the garlic potatoes swimming in gravy with ham and Korean burgers. And the Corn, and cornbread, and buttered buns. The Better-than-sex cake. I needed a cigarette when I was done with that bad boy.
Scott me up, Beamy
We miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hurry up and build that damn bridge in Cuba and come save us.
Dear PETA, no bears were harmed during the telling of this story and stop throwing paint on my husband. That's really his hair on his back.
2 comments:
This is sooo good! Great narrative, Becky. My favorite is still the cigarette comment after the Better-Than-Sex cake.
That cake was GOOD!
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