Fucking with Religous Zealots in the Workplace

Okay, so we have this guy at work and he's a bit obsessed with religion. It's all he talks about. And it's not the intelligent theological Bill Moyer kind of discussions. It's the "I've-spent-my- life partying- now-I- have- a- wife" kind. Just one step short of a jail-house-preacher. And he has a problem with me because I have read the bible, the Koran, Tanakh, among many other books, and I love the stories. But I don't believe them to be true and this just pisses him off to no end.

So I have a new hobby. I fuck with him whenever I get a chance. Today he was concerned about teaching his younsters about dinosaurs and how to explain the inept science of carbon dating. How long was a day when God created the earth? I reminded him that God didn't create the sun until day four, so how were days measured prior to that? This annoyed him. I asked,"What are your views on neanderthals as prototypes?" and he rolled his eyes. I asked, "Do you think that the existence of a duck-billed platypus is objective evidence that God has a sense of humor?" and steam came out of his ears. I mean, come on, it's a mammal and it lays eggs. As Larry the Cable Guy would say, "I don't care who you are, that there's funny."

I reminded him that God told Adam not to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and bad, prior to creating Eve, so why did she get a bum rap? He said, and I'm not making this up, I swear, he said,"The bible is kind of like a CSI Episode where they go back and forth in time." What the fuck? How is that an explanation? Does he believe CSI to be the Gospel?

I think my boss watches CSI, I'll check into that tomorrow, but anyway.......

So back to God and Adam. God says it's not good for man to be alone. He decides to make him a fitting helper so he makes wild beasts , birds of the sky, cattle, blah blah blah, but Adam couldn't find a fitting helper. (Now shouldn't an omnipotent God know these things?)

Was Adam getting his freak on with the animals in the garden and that's the real "behind the scene story" (no pun intended) as to why he was kicked out and he blamed it on Eve? I'm not judging, I just don't understand how women are always getting blamed for everything. I know men and they always do shit like that. I can guaran-goddamn-tee you that if God called me on my phone at work and my boss took a message, he'd forget to tell me about it. There's no point in God calling me at home because A) my husband won't answer the phone and 2) he'd call me at work or on my cell phone cuz I'd probably be knitting with the girls.

And who's the sidekick God's always talking to or is he schizophrenic?...